Never ready

I didn't know much growing up, except that I was never quite grown up. Oh, make no mistake about it, at over six feet and 200 pounds in high school, I was the first to buy beer and shave. It's just that over the years, while my peers married and started families, I just married and divorced. When my friends from high school were setting up their kids education plans, I was still trying to find that steady work and living wage. Eager, sure. Motivated? - well I guess it depends. But one thing was clear, I was not ready for parenthood. No way. I lacked the financial resources and the emotional fortitude to lead a family, and the women in my life were always very aware of this.

Well something called life happened six years ago. Before leaving for a gig at the Corktown Tavern, the girlfriend wanted to check the pee strip because she was late. And we were going to party. Hard. Well, two bold stripes announced my life was changed forever. I can't remember what was going through my mind as I worked through the three sets on stage that night, suffice to say I was probably aware my days as a musician were numbered.

So, here I am. Seperated, kids on weekends, spit out the other side of a vast machine that stripped me clean of so much of what around me then - and aware that there are two little girls who need a dad. Two people, gettting so big, so fast who see me as the father who has been there to hold and love them. A daddy who never hides his absolute love for them, and will somehow keep it together through some very rough waters. I'm old now. Too old to be a young dad, that's for sure. But I guess I would never have been ready. I guess that sometimes, you just learn on the job.

It's funny. Seems like yesterday I was just a kid.