Dark Corners

Eyes cast down or straight thru

Everything’s there – but for you

It doesn’t exist if you can’t see

So like the rest, you look past me



Dare not speak of that we don’t know

Ignorance reigns wherever you go

Souls lost in the open - waiting to find

Any little peace of mind



Unspoken gazes across the street

Fearful people frightened to meet

Hated and shunned for what was their lot

Serving them right to get what they got



For who would play such tricks on their kind

Does it not matter if they can’t mind?

Torn away deftly without a word

Caste asunder and stripped from the herd



We are they and they are us

Brethren together riding the bus

Nobody speaking - just fight or flight

Taking us somewhere into the night



Goodnight my friends, oddfellows all

Invisible people in line we fall

If you don’t look we might leave you alone

Unless of course it’s the life that you own

Show Weakness

I'm really glad I have some great kids Oh sure, those girls will break my back, bank and heart more than a few times before I shuffle off, but for the present time I'm starting to think they came around at the perfect time.  You see, anytime prior to the age of 40, I was far too immature, manic, dangerous to be a good bet at parenting.  Oh I would have sucked it up and thrown myself into it - but somehow I have the feeling my lack of self awareness and perspective would have imparted some pretty serious social tics in my girls.  Like most folk, I had a lot of issues to work out - but unbenownst to me, I had been dealing with full-blown bi-polarism since about the age of 12.  A lifetime of hard evidence unfolded like a roadmap. Instead of recoiling in shock or burying the truth under drugs and alcohol, I started a long process of finding the right medication to adjust the valproic acid levels in my body.  Something so simple as a chemical alignment - and enough couch time with a person knowlegeable about the condition has transformed someone on the edge of madness in 2008 to someone eager for the next great act to play out in this life of mine. I also learned a great deal about a subject I knew nothing about.  Like most people, the thought of being labeled defective was a far worse fate then suffering the same debilitating effects year after year.  Being crazy - let alone disabled - was a pathetic fate for losers who are doing nothing for the greater good.  I hate to say it, but I wanted very much to believe that anyone could change if they just wanted to badly enough.  As the years progressed, I was subconciously shitting on myself as failed relationships, failed dreams and short-short term employment piled up.

Something remarkable in my life happened a decade ago.  I became a small fish in a pretty big pond by playing, recording, promoting...basically living music.  The people and places of those years saw the birth of the real me - and I started whole-heartedly buying into the role I was ready to play into my own personal sunset. I was finally happy

Which brings me back to Grace and Evie.  They are going to be the ones who benefit most in this whole process. Although the patchwork of fixes that governed my life during some of the happiest times worked when the sun shone, things like 2 unplanned pregnancies - economic hardship, not doing what makes you happy, and at the root - the lack of any real communication cracked the facade and nearly brought my house of cards all the way down.  These girls will get the Kevin that I wish was a long time ago.  All because I wasn't too ashamed to ask for help.